I worry when im away from my kids
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How My Husband Uses Threatening Words and Behavior You should fill out a safety plan so you know what you will do if things get out of hand. They do not guarantee that your abuser will stop abusing you, nor do they protect you from further abuse. *Remember that these statements are to help you feel better and detach from your abuser’s antics. But you have to ask yourself “Why would my partner want me to feel fear or pain when all I want for them is happiness?” If they know you’re afraid of your father, they’ll act like (they think) your father would.įeeling a wince of fear or sadness after hearing a threat is normal - that’s why threats work.
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If they know you have abandonment issues, they’ll threaten to abandon you. Abusers strike at the heart of your fears. If your abuser threatens to leave you, try calmly saying “Stop threatening me. Threats that are not imminent require some thinking and feeling. Some threats are not as life-threatening as you well know. You also should confide in someone familiar with domestic violence (like a counselor at a local domestic violence center). You need a comprehensive safety plan if your abuser turns homicidal. I would take this threat as seriously as one upon my life. Most people would not go out and kill them, and regardless of how many times you’ve heard it said to you, most people would never say this to someone they love.Ī similar version of that statement is “I will kill myself if you…” Abusive people may kill themselves if you leave, but chances are they will kill you first.
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Most people would be heart-sick, depressed, sad, or even anxious if their lover left them.
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However, it is very important to take threats like these very seriously. Did they threaten to kill you if you leave them? This is also very serious and could be true! However, if you’re not walking out the door that moment, you don’t have to worry about imminent death (Get Lundy Bancroft’s book, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men). Did your partner threaten to kill you while holding a gun? You’d better get the hell out of there.
#I worry when im away from my kids how to
How to React to Threatening Behavior & Wordsįirst, you analyze the threat. Just because someone else says “That doesn’t sound so bad!” does not mean you were not threatened. What kind of threat did you just perceive?ĭescribing your abuser’s action may sound like nothing when repeating it to a friend, but abusers have certain menacing looks and actions known only to their victims. Analyze anything your abuser does that makes your heart skip a beat (not in a good way, but in a bad way). Threatening behaviors include playing with or cleaning weapons while looking at you threateningly, blocking you in a room or corner (using their hands to block you is also considered domestic violence), “puffing up” or getting in your face while in conversation. Some things you could hear are, “If you go out dressed like that I will play wing-man for my friend” or “If you don’t have dinner on the table by 6 tonight, there will be hell to pay.” Any statement that says or implies “If you … then I’ll” is a threat. If your partner threatens to leave if you do or don’t do something, that is a threat and is verbal and emotional abuse. As you can guess, threatening words and behavior imply or involve emotional pain, physical pain or both.